I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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