He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
