Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
