my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
