This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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