it was like having sex with a tree stump
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
