So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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