A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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