So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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