Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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