She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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