I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
