God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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