My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
