You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
