I faked an abortion last night.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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