I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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