Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
