Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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