those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
