FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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