I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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