In the future we'll all be gay
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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