Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
