Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
