HIV tests are more positive than that guy
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
