How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
