u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
