He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So much rum. So many feels.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
