She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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