i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
