At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
