They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
