I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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