Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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