Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
