she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
