I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
