Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
