I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
