The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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