he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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