But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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