i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
