I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
