dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
