ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
