I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
