THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
