my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Mom said you looked used
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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