and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
