I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
