you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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