oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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