Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I look better un-naked...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Bring me that man meat
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
