yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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